Rug Doctor

I'm sitting on my couch. My couch that is in the kitchen. Listening to the constant rumble of the rug doctor. We just moved to this suite a few days ago. The carpets had been cleaned... but still smelled like feet. Each time you walked into the suite you could smell it. But then after not too long, I would get used to the stench.

I met a couple for coffee a few months ago. They were engaged and wanting me to photograph their wedding. Oh my... the way the bride-to-be would talk to her betrothed! Shocking. Degrading. Disrespectful. To the man she has chosen. The man she has fallen for. The person she cares for the most.

I wonder if the groom was used to it, to her smelly carpet. I know she definitely was.

I'm sure there are areas in my life that smell. Probably should get the rug doctor in....

The beauty in the process.

Still feeling worlds away from my ideal me. No. It's not a weight thing - though I could spare a couple pounds. No, not a hair issue - but actually, I haven't seen my hairdresser in months! It's my insides that need the changing...

Intimacy - "in-to-me-see"

I finally let my husband see in me today. Let him see the ugly. Just threw it out there. Letting my mouth speak the truth. First time my ears had heard it. First time his ears had heard it. I'm sure he already knew it, but something about putting it in front of our faces, makes me think it'll be easier to change.

I love being honest with where I am at. It's refreshing. This whole change thing is a process. And not realizing that, is the first step to failure. Beauty in the process. Yep. Change is good. Change is necessary (by the way... I'm feeling like Obama with all this change talk!).

If you don't choose to enjoy the process, it will be a miserable journey. Kind of like a trip. Some people choose to make the drive part of the fun. I have always had a hard time doing that. I JUST WANT TO GET THERE!!! I don't take the scenic route. I don't stop to pee. I'd prefer to slop food on my top because we did the Drive-Thru, rather than taking a food break. I try to skim time off the travel as much as neccesary. I recall saying, "No, Joe, just feed him the bottle in his carseat, and we'll just stop on the side of the road for a few seconds to burp him".

Ahhh, to enjoy the trip from start to finish. To sing the songs and play the car games. Of course, I'll be SO excited when I arrive at the destination. But to enjoy the process.... 'cause I'm gonna get there.

There's who I am. And who I want to be.

I met with a friend for coffee the other day. I didn't at all expect to be the one to lay it all out there. The one to say, "Here is my crap. It stinks. Let's look at it." But I was. I felt overwhelmed with the amount of things I wanted to change. And I think, just maybe, she was surprised at how badly my crap smelled.

So rarely we are honest about our present state. At first when we choose to be, it is easy to feel discouraged. We live in a culture that says, "This is who I am. Take it or leave.". They don't strive to change or be better. They just make a little effort to LOOK better. Celebs are the perfect example. Find some charity to stamp their name on - some "Save the Dogs Foundation". Makes them look good, but doesn't make them any better. Doesn't change their character.

Oh - to be like my Jesus. To be like my role model. To spend my life inching closer to His image. To not just have the appearance of a good person/friend/wife/mother (please ignore the order), but to BE her. To BE like Him. Yep. A lofty goal. But worth the effort. Yes. To excel. My marriage. I want an excellent marriage. I want to be an excellent mother. An excellent friend.

Baby steps.

Yep. An uphill battle that my family will thank me for fighting.